There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
porn star boner night. come get it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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