OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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