So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
