Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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