Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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