I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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