Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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