I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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