i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i think my cat just said my name.
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