If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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