No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
