Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
