Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
God, I missed his penis.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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