Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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