I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
