Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
