if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
