remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
