I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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