I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
