high people should be assigned attendants
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
