Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
