ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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