the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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