I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
