He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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