I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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