I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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