happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
