Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
