yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
