Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
