Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
