There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
