I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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