textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
