Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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