clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
