Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
