You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
