Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
