Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
