If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
