is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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