Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
