hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
