I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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