Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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