How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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