Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
