I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
