When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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