I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
