Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
