You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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