Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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