he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
