An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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